A few posts ago I described the difficult time that we were having getting Sam in particular to settle in the evening and go to sleep; and how it was affecting our chances of having some rare time together as a couple.
Well it is difficult to believe that that was only about six weeks ago as things have improved somewhat since then. As often seems to be the case it was time away from home that seemed to break the cycle we were in, and I do not just put that down to Sam, but Karen and me as well.
So what changed? Well to start with we took away the threat of the ‘baby bed’. What started as a good way to keep Sam in bed really backfired on us badly and ended up with Sam wanting to go in the cot again. This felt like a massive backwards step; and meant that instead of coming in to see us in the middle of the night he stood in his cot and shouted until one of us came, so we were actually getting less sleep as a result.
Next, after a 10 days away, we took away his bed frame thinking that one of the issues might have been that he was worried about sleeping higher up, we also re-arranged the room a bit and changed the direction the mattress was facing so the bedroom looked different.
This all seemed to have a positive effect, but the biggest change was the one that I was stubbornly refusing to do: sit in with the boys until they fall asleep. I really did not want to do this as it somehow felt like we had been defeated, and I also had memories of when we sat in with Jake at a similar age.
Jake was also having trouble settling and we decided to put a chair in his bedroom and sit in with him. The problem was that he would never let us leave. The slightest movement would lead him to either scream or wake up then scream until we were sat down again. We were stuck in the room for ages. We racked our brains as to how we could leave more quietly but nothing worked. Then one day I just took the chair out of the room and he never expected us to stay in there again. If only we had known it was that simple.
So this is why I did not want to introduce this routine now. Well I have to admit that I was wrong and I’m glad that I decided to be pragmatic in the end. In fact I have rather enjoyed watching their settling routines, many of which have taken me back to when I was a boy and trying different strategies to settle myself. I have also been amazed at how quickly both boys can go from from being extremely boisterous to being asleep.
So as well as them liking one of us to be in the room with them, I have actually learned more about them and developed a further bond with them. Both Karen and I have also found that we enjoy that time of (eventual) quiet to calm down and reflect on the day too; something we often do not find time to do. What’s more the bedtime hour has become a maximum of half an hour (less and earlier if Sam does not sleep during the day), so everyone’s a winner – until the next time.